I Dreamed of You
by WolfyandLockhart
Summary: Jean has dreams about Armin. Good dreams, bad dreams, and everything in between. As he and his comrades fight to free humanity, he is left with little time to ponder these dreams or his feelings towards their subject. Jean x Armin


It wasn't often Jean had dreamt about Armin, at the start. He had never really dreamt about anything much at all, if he was honest. The first time was after a particularly hard day of training. The day full of exercises had left Jean physically and mentally drained, and he felt half-dead at dinner as he listlessly picked at his stew. Marco had looked at him concerned, but was assured when Jean told him he was just tired.

While Jean sat there, practically dead, he didn't notice when Marco waved Armin over, and it was only when Armin addressed him directly that he was fully aware of the other boy's presence.

"Jean? Are you alright?" "Fine." Jean dismissed him, wanting nothing more than to sleep. However, he didn't miss the flash of hurt on the boy's face. "I'm just exhausted." He added, in a softer tone. Armin gave him a cheerful smile. "Make sure to get enough rest, then. You won't make it through training if you're always half asleep."

He continued talking with Marco for a few more minutes, until Eren and Mikasa got out of the food line, and he trotted over to join them.

Jean slept soundly that night, but the image of Armin's smile stayed with him even in his sleep.

The span between the first dream and the second was approximately two years.

Jean's insides hurt. His head hurt. His chest hurt. Everything hurt. He felt like throwing up, and he had no idea what had happened to Eren after the military took him into custody. He wasn't sure where Mikasa or Armin were.

So many of their friends were dead.

Marco was dead.

Jean couldn't even bring himself to cry. He just felt numb. Everything he had believed in up to that point had suddenly shattered all around him. He wasn't sure what to do. Should he join the Military Police? Or follow that fool Eren, who may or may not be dead, into the Survey Corp?

He didn't want to sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could see was Marco's dead body, leaning up against that wall. Nevertheless, exhaustion eventually overtook him.

His dreams were filled with blood and fire and death, and in the center of it all, Armin, laying perfectly still on the ground, cuts adorning his pale skin. A single tear slid from one of his cornflower-blue eyes, as a tall shadow swept over his body and overtook him.

Jean awoke in the middle of the night, panting heavily. He could feel a wet trail down one of his cheeks.

After Trost, after joining the Survey Corp, the dreams came more often. They were mostly quick and silent, little glimpses of Armin, his blonde hair whipping around his face in the wind, his thin legs curled up to his chest in a green field, his hands leafing through the pages of a book. Nobody else ever intruded on these dreams. It was always just Armin.

Jean never told Armin about these dreams, of course. Armin had been one of the few people to reach out to him after Trost, and Jean was surprised at the readiness of Armin's friendship, even if it never went too far beyond talking at dinner or discussing missions. Armin might get freaked out, and he had enough problems to deal with with Eren and Mikasa, trying to survive. He didn't need Jean and his weird post-traumatic fixation to him to be added to the list. Jean's dreams would probably go away soon, anyways.

It's been almost two months since Trost. Jean isn't sure what's happening to him. When they were in Stohess, and he was stuck in that carriage while Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were out trying to lure Annie out, all he could think about was how worried he was about Armin. He shouldn't have to do this! He's been through so much already! All the boy wanted to do was keep his small family together. With their friends dropping around him like flies, he probably was more protective of them than ever.

After their first mission, the dreams of Armin had started to turn sour more often. Visions of Armin covered in gore and being overtaken by Titans, being crushed and bleeding out in a bloody street, being trampled in a plain far from home…These dreams were at the forefront of Jean's mind as he waited for instructions from the Commander.

"Armin will be okay. He's stronger than you think." Jean had taken to repeating this to himself every so often as he sat in a pool of anxiety and impatience, waiting for him to return.

Hours later, when Armin returns, shell shocked and curled up by a sleeping Eren, it's all Jean can do to not sweep him up and hold him close and never let him leave. The presence of Mikasa and Eren and the general stomach-butterflies that popped up when he thought about how Armin would react to that ultimately stopped him from doing so, but it doesn't diminish the wish any less.

He wants Armin to be okay. He wants Armin to stay his friend. He wants to live in a better world, where your friends weren't in danger of a gruesome death every second. They've all been through a lot, and that night, Jean dreams of a sleeping Armin, nestled in his arms, breathing peacefully. It's the nicest dream of Armin he's had in a while.

The next day, Jean stays close to Armin. He still hasn't told him about the dreams: He probably never will. He acts as he normally would. He tries to make stupid jokes, a few of which earned a few chuckles. He keeps an eye on his food as Sasha eyes his plate from down the table. Everyone has been closer. Bertholdt offers some of his bread to a grateful Sasha. Ymir makes lewd jokes with Reiner. Christa fusses over Eren, who has made an uneasy truce with Jean. Even Mikasa has opened up, smiling at Jean and Connie's antics and giving Christa a quick hug. Armin is working with her making sure Eren eats his supper while rolling his eyes at an especially bad joke Connie gave. Jean doesn't notice Armin staring at him as he finishes his meal.

From the outside, it just looked like a bunch of friends having fun.

No one could've guessed they were just doing their best to hold each other up.

Jean wasn't sure how things had gotten worse in such a short amount of time. It feels like almost no time has passed since Annie's betrayal, but now he's down another four friends and huddling in a small cabin in the middle of nowhere. Christa-no, Historia, turns out, wasn't the kind-hearted person he knew at all, but a girl putting up a façade to stay away from her past. Ymir was gone. Reiner and Bertholdt…Jean wasn't sure who to trust anymore. Reiner and Bertholdt had always been trusted friends. Bertholdt had been such a nice guy, he didn't seem like he would hurt a fly. Reiner used to help him in practice, and he always had a funny story to tell to cheer everyone up. There was no way they could've done those terrible things.

Mikasa and Sasha are on patrol right now. Eren, Historia, and Connie are all sleeping.

Armin is sitting across from him, studying the fire. Jean can't help but notice how good he looks in the firelight. It makes his blonde hair glow, and his blue eyes reflect the flames in a myriad of colors. His skin looks ivory white.

"Jean?" Armin asks, looking up from the fire and noticing his stare. "Are you alright?" Jean nods, looking back at the fire and trying to play off the fact that he was just staring at Armin outright.

"I'm just worried about everyone."

"You'd be insane if you weren't."

Jean looks back at him, raising an eyebrow. He doesn't object when Armin stands up and sits back down at his side, shoulder-to-shoulder.

"We've all got to look after one another. If we don't, we'll all just unravel even more. I don't want to lose more people than we already have."

"You won't lose me." Jean blurted out, and he prays Armin doesn't see the blush on his face as he stares at him long and hard. Armin smiles again, and it's the first smile he's given in a while.

"Good."

After a while, he rests his head on Jean's shoulder, and they sit for a while like that, just breathing together and looking into the fire.

They've begun their second week in hiding, and Jean is becoming worried about his ever-growing affection for Armin. The loss of so many comrades had brought out a fierce passion inside of Jean that he didn't know existed. He's finding himself staring at the blonde boy way too often, and he's noticing little things about him he shouldn't have ever noticed, like how he brushes his hair behind his ears whenever he's looking down at a text or a map, and how he always saves the meat on his plate for last, and how he parts his lips ever so slightly when looking at a comrade in concern, or if he's working out a plan of some sort. The dreams are coming every night now, and they're getting more and more vivid, more detailed.

Dream-Armin has begun speaking to him in his rest now. Short phrases like "Are you alright, Jean?" or "I wish you would talk to me more." and (One fateful night) "Jean, I think I love you." And that one was the scariest, because Jean is falling for Armin way too hard, and the thought that Armin would only ever tell Jean he loves him in a dream hurts too much.

Maybe he should tell him. Jean is probably totally stupid for Armin, he realizes, as he catches himself wanting to spend more and more time with him. They're in HIDING for God's sake, and all he can think about is how nice it would be to hold Armin close and brush his hair and tell him all the sweet things he's wanted to. He could do it. He could totally come up to Armin sometime in the morning, or while on patrol, or before bed. He could tell him that he's maybe-probably in love with him, he has been for a while now, he thinks. This plan has a few holes in it. The wrath of Eren and Mikasa, for one. Armin's inevitable rejection. Maybe even loathing, oh God, there's no way he could do it.

More dreams of Armin and more wishing that night.

Armin doesn't tell Jean, but he dreams about him sometimes. Little things, like Jean jumping off his horse after a mission and coming over to greet him, or Jean flying through the air on his 3DMG, free as a bird. Some of the dreams aren't that nice: Dreams filled with blood and tears that ended with him waking up a shaking, frightened mess. Some are very nice, overly so, in fact: The content of these made Armin blush just thinking about them, and the way he woke up from them was even more embarrassing. It wasn't just the fact that those kinds of dreams were awkward just thinking about, and he would probably die on the spot if Jean ever found out about them. He didn't really want to admit to anyone, especially Jean, especially to himself, that the boy had begun to take up an alarming amount of space in his mind.

Neither boy is willing to tell the other about their thoughts and dreams. In a world as cruel as this one, they can't afford the distraction, they can't face the answer they would receive. Armin dreams about Jean, smiling at him and sweeping him up in a whirl of his forest green cloak, hugging him and telling him how much he means to him. Jean dreams about Armin, stroking his face and whispering his love to him and placing sweet kisses to his lips.

They're in deep shit.

Armin's relieved and worried all at once.

He can't help but feel joy at the return of Eren and Historia. He's so glad his best friend is safe, and they're both okay, if a little unstable. They're with friends now. Mikasa looked ready to burst with emotion at her brother's coming, and while they did fret over Eren and Historia (Armin had done his fair share of this), Levi tersely informed them that the two were safe and they needed to get back to work, so they couldn't spend all their time hovering over the two. Yes, they had other things to prioritize, but at least they were all together again.

And yet, some of this was lost on Armin as he stayed by Jean's cot through the entire night, changing his bandages and checking for any sort of fever or illness. Jean had taken a bad hit to the back of his during their rescue mission, and had almost been knocked unconscious. He made it back to his horse, but he needed to be supported by Sasha as they galloped away to their safe house. He had passed out at some point during the ride, even as Sasha pressed a cloth the wound. There had been so much blood… Armin shook himself out of those thoughts. Jean is fine. He had rested, and he wasn't going anywhere under Armin's care, especially not because of some head wound. He has no fever, the bleeding had stopped, and was bandaged up nice and tight. But he still wishes Jean would wake up soon, because he still feels a little worried.

Jean's dream is slightly different this time. Armin is there, of course, but this time he's sad. He doesn't seem to be in any sort of pain, but he's looking at Jean like he's on the verge of tears. "What's wrong?" Jean opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out, and before he knows it, he's being pulled away from Armin by some unknown force, and Armin is just standing there, watching him go, his face darkened by anguish-

Jean's golden eyes snap open, and he doesn't even notice the dull pain on his forehead. His mind doesn't quite catch up to the fact that Eren and Historia are finally safe, and they all made it back okay, and he was wounded, and what even happened, anyways? All his mind can focus on is Armin's face looking down at him from his bedside, covered in an emotion he can't quite place. Is he happy? Sad? Angry? Jean can see a light dancing in his brilliant blue orbs as his lips part and he keeps staring at Jean.

"Armin?" Jean asks tentatively as he slowly sits up. "Are you okay-" Jean suddenly finds Armin's face buried in his neck and his arms wrapped around Jean's back, and…is he crying? Jean brings his arm up to Armin's back, patting it lightly. "Armin, what's wrong?" Armin's body shook with each sob as he let out all of pent-up emotion into Jean's shoulder. Had something happened to Eren? Was one of their friends hurt-

"I'm just…I'm so glad you're okay, Jean!" Jean's hand suddenly stills. What had Armin just said? Armin pulled himself off Jean's shoulder and wiped his eyes along the hem of his sleeve.

"I-I'm sorry…" He sniffed. "I was just…well…I was worried about you. You were bleeding from your forehead so much, and you weren't waking up."

"You…worried about me?" There was a small trace of hope in Jean's voice, and Armin nodded, grasping Jean's right hand and squeezing it lightly in both hands. Jean smiles slightly, bringing his other hand off Armin's back and up to his cheek to wipe away a stray tear. "I'm fine, you dork."

Armin let a quick chuckle escape from his lips, and he smiles back at Jean, still holding his hand. Jean studied Armin's face for a few moments. "

Would he let me…?" he thought to himself, but then, finally decides he's tired of staying quiet about these dreams, and he cups Armin's chin and presses his lips softly against Armin's.

He can feel Armin sigh slightly into the kiss and one of his hands reaches up to lie on his chest as he leans into Jean. It's perfect, but they eventually have to break apart for air, and Jean lets his forehead knock against Armin's, wincing slightly at the impact.

"I've wanted to do that for a while." Jean finally admits, and he's graced with a quiet giggle from Armin.

"Me too."

Jean still dreams about Armin, almost every night, in fact, but this time, it's better because it's not something he has to keep hidden. The dreams are better more often than not now, and while some of them are in fact very nice….they can't compare to the real thing. And sometimes, reality really is better than the dream.

A/N: Oh gosh I literally have no idea what happened here. What are spaces. How do I use tenses. No idea, man.

I'm pretty awful at fanfiction, in that I NEVER know where to go next or how to keep it from being cheesy. I always wanted to write of one those big, fancy, multi-chap fanfictions but I have no ideas and no time to update regularly. I mean, it took me about three weeks to get the motivation to write this piece of mediocre literature and two hours of staring at pictures of mangoes to finish the damn thing. You can read this as: I'm sorry, and please, please send help. Constructive criticism is welcomed, and, as always, I am always ready for prompts, ideas, and headcanons. Give them to me.


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